Mike

It has been a long time since we updated you on our movements at Stoney Rise, but first I need to tell you about our friend Mike. He came to help during vintage but left us all too soon.

You will have seen some photo's of him but you really need to get to know the man.

He found out a lot about himself while he was here, and he also learnt that it can be fun to work hard and only get paid food and booze. There is much more to be told of Mike and his importance to our story.

He spent time with our child and gave him some lessons in social graces, and the politically correct way to fart, and how it is really cool to fart with you mates, but not when there are girls around, and also if you need to shit in a vineyard then make sure there are leaves on the vines, otherwise you will need to scrape your bum along the ground like a dog with worms.

He took his time here very seriously. He was very helpful, and was very good at making drinks and cooking breakfast.

We would have him back at any time, although my nearest neighbor was a bit unsure when he came to visit one day with his 9 year old daughter and Mike put NWA on the stereo. The most important thing Mike did while he was here was to go to the Exeter Market and purchase for me a very special Pipers Brook terracotta bottle cooler and some golf books. While he was there he bought an antique Buzz Lightyear doll, which he meant to take home with him but forgot. Buzz has now become the winery mascot, we take him everywhere and send photo's to Mike to show him what he is missing out on.

Love from Joe to Mike.

To keep up to date with Buzz's photographic adventures the please go to our Stoney Rise Facebook page.

Our neighbour Hendo

So it has been a while. Just letting the ferments fizz away, some pressing, getting wine squared away in barrel, its all been happening... Seems the vintage is looking up. This year there has been some small batch ferments of fruit bought from separate sub-regional sites in other parts of Tasmania to have a look at some of the interesting differences possible from these distinct areas. It's all new for us, a first.

Meanwhile, when not considering these lofty thoughts, the pride of Tasmania often comes to visit. Here is our tractor driving neighbour, Hendo, and his special friend. Look how lovingly Hendo tends to his favourite person.

Visitors

Late one afternoon a trio of likely looking lads wandered into the makeshift cellar door in the Stoney Rise barrel hall. A disturbed Mike, some 11 hours into work for the day, went through the motions for the guests, fearing that their presence was merely to come, load up on some good gear, before tyre kicking their way into another cellar door. Little did he know that this youthful mob were all winemakers. Steve and Ramses from Pipers Brook and young Duncan Lloyd, son of Mark Lloyd of Coriole fame, who is working at the moment at Josef Chromy.

Here they all are. What an afternoon! Some ferment gazing, some back vintage tasting. Look at Ramses, dude in the middle that looks shifty but enjoying his huge glass of Rose. Later that evening he managed to piss his pants... what a champ!

Meanwhile, isnt Dunc a sexy boy? And a personalised belt? Well, enough said really...

Mike, having done some full body pigeage that day, managed to leave a souvenir of his underpants on Duncan's car aerial... he drove off with them flapping in the wind.

Sometime later, after leaving Ramses with urine filled pants and Steve a stumbling, stuttering mess, we discovered that Steve's car had been stolen and the three lads ended up filling out incoherent police statements with local coppers about the missing vehicle. Great day.

Compare & Contrast

small (stoney rise/holyman)

large (tamar ridge)

Get nude and get in

It begins.

Gettin a little sexier.

Now for the German, kinky stuff.

Speaks for itself really.

Small ferments, small parcels of fruit

As one can see Stoney Rise pretty much deals in small stuff. Small ferments take place in small tanks. The process is all hands on.

Sometimes its even all body on, rather than just hands.

Small parcels of fruit come in. Rat brings them in while singing Cold Chisel and other forms of Aussie pub rock;not because it helps the grapes, but because it arouses his levels of serotonin naturally. Rat loves arousal.

More exciting is tiny parcels of clonal Pinot Noir. Here lies some separate ferments of 115, 114, d4v6, 777 spur/cane and somewhere in there is some of the famed Abel clone. One says Abel clone with a reverent awe - why, because it bloody well is part of some high level conspiracy about a slack jawed NZ border patrol guard who stole cuttings from the world's greatest vineyard site off a hapless wine enthusiast who was trying to bring it in as contraband then the rubber necked security guard flogged it back to the vine nursery in NZ. This means when you plant it, a little bit of Domaine de la Romanee Conti is produced in your vineyard. Seriously, forget the soil type and elevation, the microclimate above Vosne Romanee and the years of horse drawn plowing, if you have this clone you are FUCKIN AMAZING and your vineyard shall be PAVED IN GOLD. Actually, it just produces really nice fruit, says Joe.

Look at these small parcels of separate clonal fruit fermenting under dark, mysterious cloaks. The cloaks make the finished wines even more complex and interesting.

Joe is looking to keep these parcels separate this year to see how each clone works from his single vineyard site. Though they wish to be joined in an unfettered orgy of Pinot Noir fruit, they are for this moment being kept in a forced state of abstinence.

URGENT UPDATE!

New record for buckets stacked. Amazing effort to smash the previous record. Is there no limit to what Joe and Mike can achieve?

This of course improves wine quality at Stoney Rise by fine tuning hand eye coordination and logic skills.

Pickin'

Yup. this is the post which takes you live n direct vineyard-side.

Look! It really is a family activity! How hot is Joe's wife Lou? Even in vineyard gear she is the belle of Tasmania.

Even creepy 'cousin' Mike is involved. He is looking stern because he loves to pick with a level of concentration usually associated with chess or other intellectual pursuits.

This is why we have an adult warning. For crying out loud Joe, you're meant to have had therapy for this kind of thing. Thankfully Pinot Noir with its tight, small bunches and pert, firm fruit seems to react well to this type of treatment.

What more is there to say? No one lost a finger. The Pinot Noir looked great. Our backs felt sore.

The real heroes are the pro pickers. Day in day out. Pick pick pick. No whining, just on with the job. This is the best view of the pickers too.

As an addendum, this is a gratuitous photo of Rat. Check him out cruising for buckets. Rat is THE REAL DEAL.

Spot it

Here is our Winemaking 101 table for a cool wine maker who came this morning with a tonne of his own Pinot Noir. He wants to make his own wine, so we gave him a head start with this smorgasbord of wine making paraphernalia.

Of course beer and lubricant and Bryce Rankin's tome for winemakers 'Making Good Wine' are all *hilarious* additions to the table.

Can you identify all the other crap on the table? Most of it is unopened and never used at Stoney Rise as Joe believes in wild yeast ferments, whole bunches, low impact winemaking and other things that dont involve powders and potions - but we don't discriminate against mates who love that gear.

It was a most beautiful Tasmanian morning

Sunrise over the vineyards. Like any other morning...

Then, disaster struck...

Look what Joe did with that huge tub of water. Bloody hell. It bloody went everywhere.

Mike has a moment

Pretty much most lunatics have a pic or two of them holding a gun. Ivan Milat looked pyscho in a broad brim hat holding a rifle. Sarah Palin, well, pretty similar. Now Mike? Sure its a high pressure hose, but he could become unhinged with it.

Where the stalks go when the grapes get destemmed if they get destemmed

To Hendo! Hendo lives next door to Stoney Rise and has an amazing, magical barn and some cows. Loves a tractor or two, too. Look at Hendo! He takes the stalks! Shovels them up and serves them for dinner to the cows. Man, Hendo loves them cows.

Equipment

As a brief interlude from endless pics of two fairly average looking guys shoveling and admiring grapes, here is a rundown (to be added to from time to time) of some essential winemaking equipment at Stoney Rise.

The Probe:

Great for turn overs. Gets them juices flowin'. Watch as Joe expertly inserts it. And read as our innuendo becomes even more rife.

The Winery's main work space:

Feels more like a gentleman's lounge or decadent retreat than a winery. Beyond the barrels is the billiards room, the gaming lounge, the gladiatorial arena and a turkish bath.

Large tubs:

Perfect for doing small clonal ferments. This one contains Clone 115. This means little to many, but much to us. We love clones. Especially the episode where Anakin Skywalker lightsabres up some people. We also like Dolly the Sheep. That's also clonal.

Steel buckets:

Essential winemaking equipment because it looks fuckin awesome filled with dry ice and Hendricks gin. Note our beaker for measuring pours.

Plastic buckets:

Behold the tower of picking buckets. We believe this may be a world record for a stack of grape picking buckets but will settle for 'Largest In The Southern Hemisphere' or 'Pretty Big For Tasmania'

Hoses:

Haha. Is that Mike making it look like his hose is a penis? No way! That guy is crazy. Oh, no, its just a hose with Pinot Noir juice gently flowing over the cap. It's only done a few times before plunging starts up anyway.

Industrial 'accidents':

Well, that's what we told the insurers when we got fed up with our picker bringing back bad bunches...

If you are reading this and freaking out, which you could be for either the brilliance of the blog or the innuendo to a murder, please be aware this is just delicious Pinot Noir juice being washed down a drain. Lucky drain.

The Winery Dog:

The Winery Dog is ubiquitous enough to make an entire series of books out of this type of winery equipment. Though the books are a bit of a yawn fest, we do defer to the reasoning that you make crap wine unless you have a dog hanging around the winery. This one is called Ralph, even though it's a girl dog. Go figure.

We can't show you her face as she is The Winery Dog.

*Disclaimer, Ralph is actually in Wine Dogs II and though it says 'likes chasing tennis balls' in her profile (and so many other profiles) she really actually enjoys sniffing other dogs asses and rolling in dead things.

To be continued...

Breakfast

One of the reasons Mike is here for vintage at Stoney Rise is so he can make Joe breakfast. Joe stays with Mike in Sydney sometimes and his breakfast burritos have become something of a legend. Most mornings Mike fiddles with Joe's new Weber and makes breakfast stuffs.

This is an integral part of vintage and harvest.

You're bloody dreamin'

Handling two tonnes of Chardonnay takes 14 hours? Bloody dreamin. But not for us. Basket pressing was the order of the bday. Shovel in, press gently, dig out, turn, shovel in again, press gently.

Fisting also helps. Chardonnay loves a little of the rough and kinky stuff.

How good is shovelin'? Dude loves to shovel. Dude loves Occupational Health & Safety too. How good is a forklift?

This is Pete below. Pete is holding Chardonnay grapes. Though he is in awe and amazement at the quality he is trying to remain calm about his emotions towards these grapes.

In this pic he kind of looks like Colin Firth in that movie where Firth is a homosexual, directed by a dude who makes suits. Pete works at Josef Chromy Wines so he may be acting as an infidel at Stoney Rise by visiting and spying.

Here is Joe shoveling grapes into the basket press. This is laborious. So laborious. But it makes final wines taste really good. Small ferments follow this process to make WINE THAT PEOPLE LIKE TO TYPE IN CAPS LOCK ABOUT. Small ferments can also make sommeliers and wine retailers aroused.

Close up of Chardonnay. Sexy Chardonnay.

So the Chardonnay is now partly in barrel and partly in tanks beginning the long, slow ferment process. Joe makes a 'funny' joke about his Remond barrels because they sent him two free t-shirts after purchasing heaps of barrels. His joke is 'Check out my t-shirt, it only cost me $20,000'.